If I should stay, I would only be in your way. So I'll go, but I know I'll think of you every step of the way. And I will always love you. I will always love you. You, my darling you. Hmm. Bittersweet memories that is all I'm taking with me. So, goodbye. Please, don't cry. We both know I'm not what you, you need. And I will always love you. I will always love you. I hope life treats you kind And I hope you have all you've dreamed of. And I wish to you, joy and happiness. But above all this, I wish you love. And I will always love you. I, I will always love you. You, darling, I love you. Ooh, I'll always, I'll always love you.

Weaknesses..

You know you're weak when your hands are tied behind your back, and the only way to do something is the extreme..And then even the extreme seems like a no way to go.. You're weak when you fight a battle that's not yours and assume that the helplessness of your attempts means that you lost, while the truth is you actualy weren't fighting.. You're weak when your step comes too late, when absolutely nothing you do can change the way things are.. Thinking for way too long will only lead you to nowhere, lead you to where you started out with noway out.. You need to know how much you can afford losing; losing a loved one, losing a piece of the heart, losing peace of mind, losing self control...As long as you know yourself limitations, your own boundaries; you will know exactly how far you can go, and when and where to stop... In the road to get something you want, to feel something you crave you must leave something else behind... You'll remain weak as long as you're standing still..Take a step forward, your aim will get closer to you in response.. Never deny who you are for the sake of someone/something that you want...Never try to fool others to make'em believe you're someone you're not..You'll be only fooling yourself for eternity.. Admit your shortcomings, and you'll step by step get past'em..

Life Is Not Fair

We all know life is not fair...We just didn't know it was that unfair...But that's because we ourselves are not fair, unfair to ourselves, and to others, to people we love and to the ordinary ones...One takes loads and gives none, some gives loads and takes none... We blame one another for our own shortcomings...We take out the knives from our own backs to back stap someone else... We succede to hate, we fail to love...We complicate things that were ment to be the simplest... We claim to be good, and judge others, while we are proven each second that we are bad, evil sometimes...We claim to be human while very often the animal within prevails... Everyone seeks happiness in different ways...Some creates their own, some spread it to the universe...Some suck it out of others, and some do never get it...But how are we supposed to be happy, when even people from whom you draw your happiness are Sad?!!! Life is not fair, and neither are we... Life is not fair, as long as we are not...

Last Letter ..

She lied wondering what her letter will do to him, she kept beating herself up for doing something that will do no good for no one including herself .. Although she thought this step over and over again in her head before she put the pin to the paper, her feeling took over eventually .. She recited every single word she wrote .. She felt it a million times that the letters just slipped from her heart .. " I don't know what to say, Dear seems to little, Love seems so big .. So I won't waste anymore to tell you that .. I always loved you, since day one, .. I will only give you a second to grasp this, yes I love you....And now I know that this word is the most perfect description for how I feel, for how I always felt for you .. I never told you, I know you don't know me, I know that you barely exchanged a word or two with me, I know all that, it's the reason why I'm telling you this now, and not earlier .. Whenever you walked in the room, my eyes were on you, they were unable to look away .. That's the best I got .. Looking at you, getting to watch you .. You bring grace into every single thing you do, the way your hand taps on the wall as you walk, the way your eyes crease when you focus, the way your lips press together when you mis-do something .. Once your eyes look at mine, I feel you into my soul, you get into me ... Your eyes penetrate my heart, that I feel you holding me ... And that was the best I got from you .. I know I couldn't ask for more, knowing that we could never be more ..And I was satisfied .. Until recently .. I Am Dying ... Yes, I have very few days to be here till I'm all gone ... I'm in so much pain, and I can't think of nothing that will make me feel better, nothing that will make me believe that I really lived, Nothing, nothing but having you hold me so tight that I won't think of anything else but the way you keep me whole, the way you mend my soul, having you so close to me that I will forget all the painful sleepless nights, all the coming that I have to face on my own .... I .. I can't expect you to come, to put it all behind you and make my request come true ... To overlook every single consideration I thought about before and it kept me from you, all the reasons why you should not come, to just just ignore them and grant me my last wish ... I can only hope, I can only pray like the many times I prayed for one look from your tender deep eyes ... I'll hang on that hope .. It's the only thing I have left ... I had to let you know how I feel for you before I go, regardless of anything else .... I Love You ... Yours, . . . . " She felt the wetness on her cheeks as she read her own letter in her mind ... She couldn't afford the hope ... Any disappointment would be too much to take .. It'd be more that enough to kill her ... She closed her eyes trying to picture his face, his eyes .. Trying ti remember how his voice sounded, it wasn't right .. She did him no justice, he was more beautiful than how She pictures him, then she was happy with herself because now she can hear his voice in her mind just as perfect .. And it was calling her name .. Once, twice, she questioned her mind to fake such perfection .. She slightly opened her eyes, and she again didn't believe her eyes would be able to paint such beauty .. She opened them as wide as she can ... He was actualy here .. He is truly here .. Right before her bed .. She tried to grasp that fact ... She tried to make herself set upright but she couldn't and he was right by her side holding her down with his hand on her shoulder ... He held her hand with both his hands ... Took her eyes in with his .. Penetrating her soul .. Reading into her .. Her eyes looking up ... Then he held her tiny body across his chest .. Holding her so tight just enough to fill her heart and mind with nothing but the overwhelming comfort, safety she felt right there between his arms ... Her hands held on to his shirt as if trying to keep him in place ... Her heart bounding so hard at first .. Then it started to relax bit by bit ... A smile on her face, happiness she never felt before ... The bounding stopped ... Just like she said, holding her like that, was the only thing to soothe her pain .. Her pain was gone now ... True ... But so was She ... Zahraa Badr Tuesday, 16th May, 2012 01:00

An Old Friend

Setting on his Lazy Boy with his hair all around his face, bearded and staring on the ceiling, he heard her voice in his head over and over again, "Don't do this,". He tried to remember where everything went wrong. He woke up this morning thinking he got it all figured out where he got her call, "B, just listen to me, think again about what you're doing. I think you're making a mistake. And soon enough you'd realize that.", He just laughed it off, "I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of it. It's just a trip". A long silent moment was on the other side before she finally whispered, "please, don't do this". Though he tried his best to convince her he knew what he was doing, and that she needn't to worry, he knew deep inside that this was somebody else talking, someone different from himself, the one he knew and got used to for years. And then it hit him, "You had issues with yourself and your decisions, but instead of conforming your decision to yourself, you chose to pick a different soul". She told him this on a couple of occasions before. He shock his head twice to clear his head of this nonsense, and headed to work. Despite her disapproval of what he was doing, she supported him through all of it. He was very surprised, but he took all the help he could take then. He didn't stop to wonder why she was doing this, he just kept on taking. He went to his trip, and everything that she said would go wrong did and was even worse. Right after he came back from his "trip" and after the damage has been done, he came back to her wishing for some kind of repair in her. He thought he'll find what he was looking for with her. What he always found with her. Yet he forgot something, the key factor. The damage, though done BY his new self, has been done TO his old self. She was his old self friend, she tired to stop him from transforming, she helped what she thought left of him. She can't find it anymore. He's gone completely. He wouldn't admit it. She didn't stop caring. But no one can help someone without he helps oneself.

New Year Dilemma

Well, the new year started, and I still have unfinished business to mind. The thing is that business is not only my own. It includes someone else, and I never wanted him a part of such situation. It's not his fault only, but also his. There is only one or no one who can help through it all.

Dear Santa....Marwa Rakha....

Dear Santa,

I know you're so busy but I really need you to consider my wish. I have been a good girl last year and I know what I want for a gift this year. I am writing to you a whole month in advance so you can search thoroughly and I will give you all the clues to help you out of the chimney that you keep getting caught into one year after the other. I do not think that you are a myth and I do not think that is a myth, so my dear love Santa please read my letter and make my wish come true. I will not ask for a bigger wealth or for better health, I neither want earthly pleasure nor heavenly measures … I want a man.

I want you to dash through the snow on your sleigh, jingle you bells, and get your elves to run up and down the globe to get me my long-waited present, and when you get him skip the chimney part and just leave him on the my doorstep. I have always been accused of not knowing what I wanted and of not being decisive so I will go to the nitty-gritty details because I do not want you to send me the wrong man … Again! I hope you do not think of me as being bossy; I am just helping you with your hunt, and mine, for Mr. Right.

To help you with the screening process, I will first out what I know for sure that I don’t want. Married, lost, depressed, expired, or clumsy is out of the question. Narrow-minded, cold-hearted. Mind-numbing, or thick-skinned is not even an option. Bad English, bad breath, faithless, or moneyless makes less of a Christmas gift. I do not like quiet, boring, or dull men and I prefer them tall dark and handsome but fair cute and blond is not crossed out, and he has to like my curls!

Now that I helped you out with the outlines let's go to a more sophisticated level, and Santa, I have to give you a fair warning, this is the level that confuses you the most every year. Make sure this time he is intellectual yet sensitive; sensitive yet masculine; masculine yet tender; tender yet protective; protective but not possessive. Have I said enough? Oh and Santa, my heart had enough bumps, dumps, and jumps. I ran out of glue mending the broken pieces and I have no more tolerance for any more make-ups and break-ups.

Santa, I'm not dictating anything; I'm just helping you get me the right gift. People say that I'm too picky, demanding, and uncompromising but I am just a girl who wants to take exactly what she is willing to give; I just want to love and be loved- but I will never love a man unless he has a consensus from my mind, body and heart. Now that I went that far without any divine intervention to stop me from continuing my letter, I will assume that this is a clear sign that you will take my wish seriously this year.

Love,

Me