An Old Friend

Setting on his Lazy Boy with his hair all around his face, bearded and staring on the ceiling, he heard her voice in his head over and over again, "Don't do this,". He tried to remember where everything went wrong. He woke up this morning thinking he got it all figured out where he got her call, "B, just listen to me, think again about what you're doing. I think you're making a mistake. And soon enough you'd realize that.", He just laughed it off, "I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of it. It's just a trip". A long silent moment was on the other side before she finally whispered, "please, don't do this". Though he tried his best to convince her he knew what he was doing, and that she needn't to worry, he knew deep inside that this was somebody else talking, someone different from himself, the one he knew and got used to for years. And then it hit him, "You had issues with yourself and your decisions, but instead of conforming your decision to yourself, you chose to pick a different soul". She told him this on a couple of occasions before. He shock his head twice to clear his head of this nonsense, and headed to work. Despite her disapproval of what he was doing, she supported him through all of it. He was very surprised, but he took all the help he could take then. He didn't stop to wonder why she was doing this, he just kept on taking. He went to his trip, and everything that she said would go wrong did and was even worse. Right after he came back from his "trip" and after the damage has been done, he came back to her wishing for some kind of repair in her. He thought he'll find what he was looking for with her. What he always found with her. Yet he forgot something, the key factor. The damage, though done BY his new self, has been done TO his old self. She was his old self friend, she tired to stop him from transforming, she helped what she thought left of him. She can't find it anymore. He's gone completely. He wouldn't admit it. She didn't stop caring. But no one can help someone without he helps oneself.

New Year Dilemma

Well, the new year started, and I still have unfinished business to mind. The thing is that business is not only my own. It includes someone else, and I never wanted him a part of such situation. It's not his fault only, but also his. There is only one or no one who can help through it all.

Dear Santa....Marwa Rakha....

Dear Santa,

I know you're so busy but I really need you to consider my wish. I have been a good girl last year and I know what I want for a gift this year. I am writing to you a whole month in advance so you can search thoroughly and I will give you all the clues to help you out of the chimney that you keep getting caught into one year after the other. I do not think that you are a myth and I do not think that is a myth, so my dear love Santa please read my letter and make my wish come true. I will not ask for a bigger wealth or for better health, I neither want earthly pleasure nor heavenly measures … I want a man.

I want you to dash through the snow on your sleigh, jingle you bells, and get your elves to run up and down the globe to get me my long-waited present, and when you get him skip the chimney part and just leave him on the my doorstep. I have always been accused of not knowing what I wanted and of not being decisive so I will go to the nitty-gritty details because I do not want you to send me the wrong man … Again! I hope you do not think of me as being bossy; I am just helping you with your hunt, and mine, for Mr. Right.

To help you with the screening process, I will first out what I know for sure that I don’t want. Married, lost, depressed, expired, or clumsy is out of the question. Narrow-minded, cold-hearted. Mind-numbing, or thick-skinned is not even an option. Bad English, bad breath, faithless, or moneyless makes less of a Christmas gift. I do not like quiet, boring, or dull men and I prefer them tall dark and handsome but fair cute and blond is not crossed out, and he has to like my curls!

Now that I helped you out with the outlines let's go to a more sophisticated level, and Santa, I have to give you a fair warning, this is the level that confuses you the most every year. Make sure this time he is intellectual yet sensitive; sensitive yet masculine; masculine yet tender; tender yet protective; protective but not possessive. Have I said enough? Oh and Santa, my heart had enough bumps, dumps, and jumps. I ran out of glue mending the broken pieces and I have no more tolerance for any more make-ups and break-ups.

Santa, I'm not dictating anything; I'm just helping you get me the right gift. People say that I'm too picky, demanding, and uncompromising but I am just a girl who wants to take exactly what she is willing to give; I just want to love and be loved- but I will never love a man unless he has a consensus from my mind, body and heart. Now that I went that far without any divine intervention to stop me from continuing my letter, I will assume that this is a clear sign that you will take my wish seriously this year.

Love,

Me

Inspired by "The Silence of The Lambs" - Dr. Hannibal Lecter !

When I first watched "The Silence Of The Lambs", I had a crush on Hannibal the cannibal. Years later when Hannibal was released, I grew to envy Clarice for the love of Dr. Lecter; I wanted to be her. Before you decide that I am a crazy chick, let me take you for a quick walk in my shoes. I have been in and out of many relationships that lasted from a couple of days to a couple of months. The one that crashed before they took off did not last because the man in question stopped exercising effort and took me for granted! They – Egyptian men- just don’t want to work! I don’t expect much; I just want to see a man going out of his way for me; what's the big deal? Shave this ugly head, lose a few extra pounds, get a job, wake up an hour early, sleep an hour late, drive an extra mile to se me, or any such thing that would translate into effort!

Now let me introduce you to the Dr. Lecter that I envy Agent Starling for; deep, intense, witty, handsome, and knows her like the back of his hand. He knows how her mind works and what makes her heart tick; he knows her every thought, fear, wish, and impulse. He loved her for her vulnerable strength. The beast had many chances to devour her, yet he declined. Hannibal Lecter dared her, challenged her, and pushed her from one limit to the other, but he was always there to save her soul when she gave in to despair. When the bad guys, society, enemies or anyone hurt her, he was still watching over her shoulder; he hurt them for her. When it was his life or hers, he chose hers; when it was his wrist or hers, he saved hers; when it was his heart or hers, her broke his to mend hers. The beast went against his nature for her … this is my definition of effort!

Marwa Rakha - From "The Poison Tree Planted & Grown in Egypt"

لم تُخلَقي عبثا

... نور بدر ...

أختي الرائعة هي من تفحصني أثناء كتابة تلك الكلمات من
كتاب -مبكى العشاق- و هي ؟

هي من كتبتني تلك الكلمات

أول من قرأها أنا ..

بين أناملي .. كان الكتاب

و أمام عيناي ،عيناك ككتاب آخر

كنت أقرأهما في أفكاري...

كنبضات قلبك

روحان > روح واحدة

أنتـ/أنا واحد

نهيم في الوجود ،

بينما هو يتسارع بنا كنبضات قلبنا

و تتقارب خطواتنا ،

حتى لو إبتعد مرادنا

العصفور طار من فوق غصنه

فقد هاله ما رأى منا

منك/مني

و إصفر القمر خجلا

و النجمة في دلال تتمايل

أنا/انت

و الكون في غزل طويل

غار منا .. رغم أننا

إخوة ..

كن سُمُوُّنا

أرغمهم على الإنحناء لنا

لك أنت .. يا زهرتي الزرقاء

فلو كنا خلقنا عبثا ..

لما كنا إخوة

لما كنت أنت/أنا

نور بدر

الأحد /الإثنين

5/10/2009

الساعة 2:00 بعد منتصف الليل

عبثا خلقت - محمد السباعي

"لم أر أشد حيرة من الروح تلتمس الأليف، كما ينشد العصفور الغصن .. و يعيبها المراد فتتعلل بالباطل تعلل العصفور بالغصن العاطل. , لابد من الحبيب صادقا أو كاذبا، كما لابد من الطعام طيبا أو خبيثا، يضطرنا إليه الجوع .. ويضطرنا إلى الحبيب النفس المسمى الحب ..رب روح تهيم الدهر فلا تصادف إلفها .. تذهب على وجهها في الآفاق فينكرها الناس .. و تنادي فيجيبها العدم .. و قد حال الزمان و المكان بينها و بين توأمها الذي نظمه الله معها قبل ميلاد الدنيا، و قد يكون ذلك التوأم في أقصى الأرض أو دون المريخ أو تحت القمر، أو وراء ذلك الجدار أو ذلك الباب .. و كأني بهذا الورد الناضر على أغصانه، سيذبل على قبر توأمك الذي تنشده و لم تره، و كأني به يحمر غيظا من لؤم القضاء، و يريد أن يقول لك : (عبثا خلقت) .. "

(من كتاب الصور للمرحوم محمد السباعي)

مبكى العشاق- يوسف السباعي..

I Hate It When People...

• I hate it when people lie to me saying that I'm better off not knowing, or because they don't want to hurt my feelings.
• I hate it when people pretend to be my friends while they do nothing out of friendship.
• I hate it when people suddenly change that I don't know exactly what happened.
• I hate it when people make me to pretend thatI like someone while i can barely stand him/her.
• I hate it when people violate my privacy or my property.
• I hate it when people think they are funny and deal according to that.
• I hate it when people keep being stupid.