Last Letter ..

She lied wondering what her letter will do to him, she kept beating herself up for doing something that will do no good for no one including herself .. Although she thought this step over and over again in her head before she put the pin to the paper, her feeling took over eventually .. She recited every single word she wrote .. She felt it a million times that the letters just slipped from her heart .. " I don't know what to say, Dear seems to little, Love seems so big .. So I won't waste anymore to tell you that .. I always loved you, since day one, .. I will only give you a second to grasp this, yes I love you....And now I know that this word is the most perfect description for how I feel, for how I always felt for you .. I never told you, I know you don't know me, I know that you barely exchanged a word or two with me, I know all that, it's the reason why I'm telling you this now, and not earlier .. Whenever you walked in the room, my eyes were on you, they were unable to look away .. That's the best I got .. Looking at you, getting to watch you .. You bring grace into every single thing you do, the way your hand taps on the wall as you walk, the way your eyes crease when you focus, the way your lips press together when you mis-do something .. Once your eyes look at mine, I feel you into my soul, you get into me ... Your eyes penetrate my heart, that I feel you holding me ... And that was the best I got from you .. I know I couldn't ask for more, knowing that we could never be more ..And I was satisfied .. Until recently .. I Am Dying ... Yes, I have very few days to be here till I'm all gone ... I'm in so much pain, and I can't think of nothing that will make me feel better, nothing that will make me believe that I really lived, Nothing, nothing but having you hold me so tight that I won't think of anything else but the way you keep me whole, the way you mend my soul, having you so close to me that I will forget all the painful sleepless nights, all the coming that I have to face on my own .... I .. I can't expect you to come, to put it all behind you and make my request come true ... To overlook every single consideration I thought about before and it kept me from you, all the reasons why you should not come, to just just ignore them and grant me my last wish ... I can only hope, I can only pray like the many times I prayed for one look from your tender deep eyes ... I'll hang on that hope .. It's the only thing I have left ... I had to let you know how I feel for you before I go, regardless of anything else .... I Love You ... Yours, . . . . " She felt the wetness on her cheeks as she read her own letter in her mind ... She couldn't afford the hope ... Any disappointment would be too much to take .. It'd be more that enough to kill her ... She closed her eyes trying to picture his face, his eyes .. Trying ti remember how his voice sounded, it wasn't right .. She did him no justice, he was more beautiful than how She pictures him, then she was happy with herself because now she can hear his voice in her mind just as perfect .. And it was calling her name .. Once, twice, she questioned her mind to fake such perfection .. She slightly opened her eyes, and she again didn't believe her eyes would be able to paint such beauty .. She opened them as wide as she can ... He was actualy here .. He is truly here .. Right before her bed .. She tried to grasp that fact ... She tried to make herself set upright but she couldn't and he was right by her side holding her down with his hand on her shoulder ... He held her hand with both his hands ... Took her eyes in with his .. Penetrating her soul .. Reading into her .. Her eyes looking up ... Then he held her tiny body across his chest .. Holding her so tight just enough to fill her heart and mind with nothing but the overwhelming comfort, safety she felt right there between his arms ... Her hands held on to his shirt as if trying to keep him in place ... Her heart bounding so hard at first .. Then it started to relax bit by bit ... A smile on her face, happiness she never felt before ... The bounding stopped ... Just like she said, holding her like that, was the only thing to soothe her pain .. Her pain was gone now ... True ... But so was She ... Zahraa Badr Tuesday, 16th May, 2012 01:00